Tattoo I do or Tattoo I don't

Tattoo I do? Or Tattoo I Don’t?



When I turned 19 I wanted a tattoo. I wanted it enough to wrangle my friends into giving me money for my birthday so I could go out and get one. What I wanted was a rose and since my favorite color is, was and always will be purple, I wanted it that color. But being 19, excited and shy I just went to the first tattoo place I found. I picked the 'best' looking rose and went with it.

I wanted it in a place that would be easily hidden if I didn’t want it to be seen, but seen if I wanted it to. So I chose a few inches down from my shoulder on the left part of my chest. Straight over from my armpit. I still remember being so embarrassed because I had to wear a tank top to get it done. GASP! A tank top! In public! Oh NOoooooOOoooOooooo! I can laugh now at how I lacked self esteem to wear a tank top out, yet wanted a rose tattoo on my chest. Go figure.

When I went into the back to get the tattoo done I had to sit back in a chair much like a dentist chair. Another guy was there and suddenly had his head hovering over my chest. Ah, excuse you?! The tattoo artist said he was an assistant just learning and wanted to know if it was okay for him to watch. What was I to say? No, get your head outta my boob-area? I was 19, about to get a tattoo and ultra shy wearing a worn out old tank top. So I said yes.

Then he started and the PAIN of it jolted like electricity through me. OWEE OW OW!! See normal women have things called breasts. They are mostly flabby tissue. Like pillows of fat. Sorry women, but it’s true, if it’s not milk, its fat. (Or silicone if you fake it.) Anyway as I said before the tattoo is farther up my chest making it even further from anything soft. So when I was laying back in the chair suddenly the tattoo was no longer on anything soft and void of nerve endings. What it was on was hard chest, rib cage - my torso full of pain as he tattooed onto my skin. OW!!

Oh and I’ll take this opportunity to explain something. I’m scared of needles. Yes. Scared of needles. Another head scratcher I know. How did I end up getting tattoo? Shear nerves. I know I wasn’t drunk, they don’t tattoo inebriated people. Plus I was 19 and this was my rebellion! Don’t back down! Do it to prove something! Getting a tattoo was my ultimate angst fueled battle against….. um…. I don’t remember. . ..

So after all that pain I had my tattoo. It hurt like a son of a gun. I’d say something harsher but I’ve lost all angst in that one battle. After the required time limit I took the bloody bandage off and saw my new tattoo. About 2” long by 1.25” wide it isn’t overly big and sort of looked like an on-the-verge-of-wilting flower. The petals look spiky and overall it really didn’t age too well. (My fault for not taking care of it.) Kind of small and pitiful looking, but its mine and I’ve got it for the rest of my life.

So in general it doesn’t cause a problem. I’m not ashamed of it anymore than the other parts of my past. I’ve had wrongs but they usually didn’t leave such a visible lasting mark. But sometimes it sneaks out from my clothes without me knowing. People are surprised and usually say, oh you’ve got a tattoo (because generally I don’t walk around wearing a tube top.) Though it is more visible now because I have better self esteem and wear tank tops a lot more. (out in public no less!)

But after saying I’m not ashamed of it I sound like a hypocrite when I say this: I’m not sure I want it to be seen during our wedding.

Yeah that’s really hypocritical of me to say but let me explain. I wore a strapless gown for Mindy’s wedding. And it seemed fine and all. I don’t cringe when looking at her pictures. You can see almost all of it and it looks okay. But I have a picture of me in my wedding dress when I tried it on. And the annoying thing is my tattoo shows about the top part of the rose and that’s it. For me it’s all or none! I don’t want a little peeking out, it’s distracting.

So what to do? I could photoshop every_single_picture of our wedding. But man, who would want to do that?! A tattoo removal is painful and just NOT in the wedding budget. Plus I’m fine with it for every other day of my life. I’m looking at tattoo cover up kits. But since it is right up against my dress I’d hate to stain it. ACK! What else is a girl to do?

I need advice!

By the way, probably not the best time to say this but I'm thinking of getting another tattoo. This one on my back of my favorite saying: We must be the change we wish to see in the world.
Um yeah. Perhaps AFTER the wedding....