Another Cinderella's Ball

What if Prince Charming wasn’t Cinderella’s first kiss?

Ah, dress shopping. The running of the brides and trying on big gauzy, fluffy, tight, slinky, lacy, satin dresses of fanciful dreams and all that jazz. Like it or not what you wear is a huge deal on your wedding day. Some say it is the most important thing you’ll ever wear. For sure I think it is the most photographed thing you’ll ever wear by far.

I think every bride dreams of her perfect dress or dressy outfit at least. And every mother dreams of being there to help her into it. Or to nix the bad ones at least.

So what if this step was taken completely out of the equation?

What then?

What are you left with? Going with the groom to pick out his tux, or in our case suit? Not very fun. Sorry guys.

This is what I’m faced with. Because life isn’t always a Cinderella fairy tale. Your Prince Charming is rarely ever the first guy you kissed. And in my case not the second. Maybe third. No, sorry, fourth. But that’s it Chris, I swear. *giggle*

All joking aside I have to admit I was engaged before. My side of the family and friends know the situation. Almost no one but me really liked the guy. And I was blind until God and reality stepped in and closed that door. Five months later I found my friend Kari opening the window and I crawled out of the dark musty room I was in out into the fresh air and found Chris.

When I was engaged before I was the one planning, I was the one forking over lots of money to buy things for the wedding. It was all me. So when I crawled out into the fresh air I had emotional and physical baggage. Literally I came with a wedding. Look! Bride in a bag, wedding in a box! Oh neat.

No, not neat. Not at all. I started going through all the stuff I had acquired. I talked to Chris and he said do whatever with it, keep it, toss it, whatever. It was my stuff, not Phillips. But the more I looked at all the stuff from my “previous life” the more I felt it was dark. Dark and not happy, not at all. The color I wanted was a dark plum, darn near black. The centerpieces were wrought iron candle holders. The only thing light and happy was the xmas/wedding lights.

So I started to purge. I purged out a lot of things and threw them on a garage sale. And when Chris and I started planning our wedding it was so different. I found a man who cared and wanted to have his input into our wedding. It would be fun, exciting and very Sheri and Chris, or Chris and Sheri. We have both come up with so many things inspired by our love of life. Board games, pop culture references, fun toys as kids. This all feels so ..... right. No more darkness, I’m out of the room and into life.

But through all my purging I came to a dead stop at one thing. Very few things survived the purging but one did. My dress.

My beautifully color embroidered, beaded, heavenly and wonderful dress.

In my “previous life” I went dress shopping once while I was engaged. A few friends came with me to try on the big white dresses. Or what I could find in my size that is. Not many bridal salons have my size. I’m not the biggest, not the smallest but I was about a 16/18 at the time. I found one that I really liked. We took some pictures, got some business cards but I couldn’t afford even the cheapest $500 dress. So I started looking online. Ebay, being my drug of choice (and still is). I came upon what I wrongfully remembered as an Alfred Angelo gown but really was a DaVinci. The gown maker DaVinci seems to be the designer knock off brand. But I don’t care. It was gorgeous. A size 20 but has a lace up back and you know all gowns and bridesmaid dresses run two sizes too small. I bid and won with shipping it was $150. What a steal. But could it be that good of a deal? It came and it was. I tried it on twice. Once for my friends when I first got it and once for my parents and his mom. That is the only memory I have associated with the dress and anyone from his side.

So I have waited to try this dress on. I lost some weight and am desperate to see if it still fits. I wanted to wait to try it on with both families. In lieu of going dress shopping I guess. I’m so confused about this. A small nagging voice tells me I should get a new dress but another part really wants this dress. This dress I bought for ME. No one else and I’d like for my true, real and true love Chris to see me in it. I have never seen its equal with the beading and embroidery. I honestly want to wear this dress. So why does that little voice tell me I’m missing out on something? Dress shopping would be more irritating than exciting for me.

So tomorrow both sets of parents are coming over. Then in my room I will have my mom lace up the back of the dress and make sure it fits properly. We’ll talk a bit about it and I’ll tell her how I feel while she’s lacing it all up. She'll have great wisdom for me like always. Then I’ll walk out into the room full of family and see how I feel about wearing this dress meant for another Cinderella’s ball.
I guess we’ll see.

Purple Passion

Oh how I love purple. It encompasses a lot in my life. It used to be most of my wardrobe (I’ve gotten away from that.) When I see purple jewelry I have to remind myself of all the “pretty shiny pieces” I have at home. In fact at work I have a deal with a co-worker that I get to wear purple every day of the week except Friday, which she’s taken.

I blame my mother for this purple obsession. Let’s take a time machine back to my Kindergarten class in 1984. At the end of the year we got to take home the felt sign in the shape of a crayola crayon that had our name on it. My favorite color was red at the time. When I brought my felt sign home it was purple and I was devastated because it wasn’t red. I remember my mom telling me it was okay because you know what, purple was her favorite color. So then purple was my favorite too! Funny how that happens with 6 year olds.

Pretty in……. Purple
After that I have no idea when purple really became my favorite but it is. Funny thing is that it is also a best friend of mine’s favorite too. But when it came for her getting married she decided on red, black and ivory instead. A choice her and her fiancée made as a nod to his asian heritage she said. I’m not that nice I told Chris our color was purple. Apparently she’s nicer than me.

So flash back to the present day and into the thicket of wedding planning. Purple was always my choice for my wedding color. Purple dresses, ribbons, napkins, flowers and whatnots. Anything that we have a choice on I’d like it to be purple. And to accent that color I’d like to use gold. Wait for it, wait for it. ……. Are you there yet? Minnesota Viking’s colors are purple and gold. My brother said if people heard about the colors they’d show up in Viking jerseys. I don’t care as long as they show up. Just to make it clear I couldn’t care less about Vikings or football in general. Chris likes the Vikings but he doesn’t get all twisted up about them. In a nutshell I like purple, I like gold. Tada! Purple and gold!

Pick a peck of purples

The other day Chris’ mom Elaine asked me what kind of purple I decided on. Um……. Purple purple? Um, plum purple? Oh whoa. It hit me; yeah what kind of purple DO I want? I mean WE want. (Truthfully Chris doesn’t care about this as much as the more fun parts of the wedding.)
So I went to Menards and found paint samples for inspiration. And I had figured as soon as I pick out what color I’ll get enough samples for all involved. Easy to show to the bridal stores so they don’t come out with something closer to puke than purple.

Silly thing is I knew there are many purples when she asked me. I went to college for advertising and graphic design. So I should have been ready for this question. Pantone is the company that makes the premiere color swatches everyone in the industry uses. I’d love to get my hands on a pantone book, but paint chips are a close cheap second.

So I grabbed all the purple paint chips I could find and narrowed them down to the dark purples. They have funny names which I guess tries to make them stand out. Here are the rejected ones:
Mirabella, Violet Prism, Crayola Violet DK69, Noble Crown, Crushed Grapes, Purple Onyx, Pansy Petal, Purple Coneflower, Aurora Morn, Royal Plum, Plush Purple, Imperial Purple, Pageant Pansy, Royalty, Pretty Polly Plum, Crocus Purple, Byzantine Purple, Cleopatra’s Gown, Elderberries, and my favorite name if not color, Paddywack.

So with all those to choose from it is a sure bet I was overwhelmed by all the awesome purple-ness! I finally narrowed it down to three, consulted Chris, narrowed it down to two then……… one.

The contenders; Boysenberry Frost (red-ish purple), Perfectly Purple (plain purple) and Precious Gift (has the most red of the three). Chris nixed Precious Gift. So it was up to me to decide between the last two. Who knew one stinking color could be so difficult to decide on!

And the winner in the race is………. Perfectly Purple because it is a plain and the easiest to match up. Now I just need to go and steal, um I mean procure, the rest of the Perfectly Purple paint samples from Menards….
Ah…….decision made!

Project Wedding article

There is a contest on Project Wedding for the best article on how to be a budget savvy bride. They said make it as long as you want with as many pics as you want. The top prize is a $500 gift card to amazon.com
Here is my article.

Weddings are wonderful expressions of love. But they are also costly in time and money. Here are my ways to keep sane and financially secure.

My Ring.

My fiancé Chris and I are in our early thirties. We are in touch with who we are and who we aren’t. When we got engaged we talked about what we wanted our wedding to be. A traditional wedding is very conservative, very elegant, very classy and very not us. So we knew what we didn’t want. But what did we want? We wanted bright, joyful, family centered and above all that FUN. But with what money we have it seems pretty meager. Early on we came to realize that just makes us get more creative.



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Love what you’ve already got!


The best way to start saving is to use things that you already have. For us this meant that instead of renting a limo we’ll be driven around in my parent’s classic 1956 Pontiac Star Chief. After you and your fiancé discuss what the look and feel of your day will be step back and take stock of what is around you. The best way to get your personality into your wedding is to use what you already have.

When we first met we played trivial pursuit and our first date was also trivia. We love games and wanted to use our board games for something in our wedding. Thus we’re using them for our centerpieces. On top of those will be old glass Coke bottles from my Coke collecting parents. In the bottles will be origami and paper–pieced roses and daisies, a cherished hobby of mine.



A bit of a mockup of our centerpieces.




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Beg, borrow, barter


Maybe origami flowers aren’t your forte. Or you don’t have an extra luxury vehicle sitting around. Beg, borrow, barter for what you need. Maybe not beg, but borrow and barter are great ways to get the things you need. Use what you can barter with and trade with your talents. Bartering and trading was the norm as late as when your grandparents got married. Maybe you or your fiancée make beautiful cabinets or you have a deft hand at design. Perhaps you have an antique armoire that your baker has her eye on. You never know until you ask. My fiancé is great with computers and owns a computer solutions company. So when it came to the reception site and DJ they were all paid for with trading skills.

Borrowing for weddings is as timeless as “I Do”. After all it is one of the good luck charms of weddings: Something new, something borrowed, something blue. If you have friends that got married and their tiara, jewelry or shoes are sitting around collecting dust ask to borrow them. But then again, something new is always fun. (Since most girls love to go shopping.)



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Love to shop, but be a spendthrift.


You didn’t marry the first boy that asked you for a date (or maybe you did!) or buy the first car you test drive. So don’t buy into the first dress, flower arrangement, ring set, décor, etc that you see. Look around. Unless you are on a severe time crunch you should have the time to check out your options. The old saying “I have more time than money” is often true. If one craft store has glass hurricane vases for $25.00 check around, bide your time, clip your coupons. Another store may have something similar (or better!) for less. Also, don’t be afraid to check out untraditional places for wedding items. The local craft store has one pound bags of black sand for 2.99 each. My best friend needed around 15-20 of these. Two blocks away Menards (a home remodeling store) had 20 pounds of black sand (the same sand) for 3.99 for the whole thing. She returned her bags of sand and bought one big one for much less. A person need not go into debt for beautiful centerpieces.

Another idea many brides don’t mention enough is thrift stores and garage sales. Depending on your style this may be your best resource. Looking for small glasses to keep the game pieces in on our centerpieces this was invaluable. A quarter per piece is better than even your local dollar store. And a new trend among weddings is using mason jars for various décor. Easily found at garage sales they are usually found in bulk. Chris and I looked into renting an antique looking popcorn machine on wheels for $39. But stopping at a garage sale when we were on vacation in a town a hundred miles from home we found the same machine for $50. Works like a charm and is now sitting in my game room as a cute antique brightening up the room. Perfect for movie nights when friends come over.



Even craigslist can be a great resource for finding linens, décor, dresses or even your photographer. Emerging talents await just a click away. But beware and always stay safe. When meeting with someone from online bring a friend and meet in a public place. What new DJ or photographer can resist meeting with a prospective client over coffee at Starbucks or tea at Panera? If they balk at that they may not be on the up and up. Use your common sense and stay safe.




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It is only one day.


With your wedding it is so easy to imagine the fairytale you’ve always wanted. The big lavish expensive all out “me” or “us”-fest of your dreams. Then reality crashes down and suddenly your schemes involve selling your car, your blood and maybe a relative or two to make money to fund it. Or your itchy trigger finger reaches into your purse to grab your 20% interest credit card. WAIT! Stop, put down the Visa card and step away. You are about to start your married life deep(er) in debt. The main reason couples get divorced in now is money. Fund your entire wedding with credit cards and you are asking for strife and trouble. I understand sometimes credit cards have to be used for some things. I am a big fan of putting all your deposits on credit card to keep track of the expenses and have an extra receipt. However only if you have the money to pay it off right away. Else your justified a couple hundred here or there turns into a few thousand into the tens of thousands. Ouch.




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Try to keep a level head.

Tantrums and fits only lead to disasters.


When a person gets emotional and disappointed because of a setback, however small or big, we tend to make rash decisions. Sometimes things work out but many times those decisions lead to disaster. For instance if you suddenly find out the dress you wanted so badly is no longer available you may, in a fit of emotional insecurity, buy the next one you “love”. Later you find that the original dress was still available at a store online. Now you are “stuck” with something that looked good in the store but under buyer’s remorse scrutiny looks nothing like what you saw in the mirror. Beware your emotions. Always keep someone at arm’s or phone’s length to help talk you through the emotional wedding rollercoaster. (A small tidbit, this isn’t always your best friend or even your mother. Choose someone as you would choose a rehab sponsor. A person who doesn’t have as much emotional vested interest. Preferably a guide who has been through this before and knows what you are going through.)




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Have YOUR wedding be a reflection of the two of you.




As I said before Chris and I are not ‘elegant and classy’. However, on the opposite token we are not “rednecks” nor uncouth. We are who we are and we want our wedding to reflect that. Knowing we didn’t have much to spend on flowers I opted to not have silk flowers because occasionally they try to look real but just come off as fake looking. Instead I went in the opposite direction. Origami and paper pieced flowers. There is no denying these aren’t real but they are also beautiful and handmade. They are in my opinion just as much of a work of art as real flowers. And as a bonus they can be created and stored months in advance.

Another way our wedding will showcase our personalities is in the food. We love going to new places and trying out their burgers and ice cream. (standard American diner fare) So for us it was a no brainer what we wanted for our reception dinner. A build your own burger bar with fries, coleslaw and fruits is perfect for us. And as for cake, we’ll have a small cake but our dessert will be a make your own sundae station. Complete with all the fixings you could think of.



Prioritize things in your wedding and make sure you know what you want. Keep the top priorities whether it’s the food, photographer or in our case board games in mind and work everything else around them. Because if you don’t have a strong sense of what your wedding will look like you will flounder as you go to wedding expos or as the day gets closer. Keep your options open but know if you want to invite 250 people to your wedding it will look nothing like an intimate 60 person small wedding. Be open to pasta instead of chicken, roses instead of lilies, a DJ instead of a band but know generally what you want.



My main piece of advice is to enjoy your day. What will you remember after all is done and you are looking back on the day? Remember the details but don’t forget the feeling. Sometime during your day close your eyes, inhale deeply and listen to the sounds of a wonderful day coming together to celebrate two people who fell in love.

Will you do me the honor of........ (picking the 'maids)

Will you do my the honor of.......

Ever since Chris slipped the ring on my finger and we started calling people we were getting two questions, when is the wedding and who are you asking to stand up for you? The first was easy, June 4th of next year. The second was um, well….difficult. I have so many awesome friends the list was too long. And even now I feel like I’m forgetting someone.

I deliberated over and over about who to ask. I looked at each person both through my heart and my head. My head said go with just four because that is what Chris came up with, four guys. (Though now he’s thinking about a fifth groomsman. Oh here we go again.) My heart said to hell with it! Have them all. Yeah all 11?! I don’t think so. My head then came up with the idea of a list of different needs to be fulfilled for the wedding. Greeter, personal attendant, day of coordinator, etc. From there my head said, take a look at everyone’s greatest strengths and weakness’ and go from there. I started to and was filling them when I ran out of things for people to do. Ugh.

Back to square one.
In my previous life I had this problem before. What I had done was to put all the names in a hat and pull them out. So one day at lunch (with absolutely no fanfare) that is what I did. And then I decided from the list whose strengths would best fulfill the needs I had listed.
Anti-climatic and very pragmatic but it worked.

Won't you be my neighbor.....um I mean bridesmaid?

I had started to make cards in anticipation that I would eventually come to a decision. I had seen someone who took folded paper and cut people out of them to ask their bridal party. It reminded me of the tag people I made for Chris’ birthday card announcing our trip to Duluth. So one night I made four tag people wearing different purple dresses. I made Amy and Mindy but left the other two hair less to be able to add the hairstyle of the other two as-then-unknown bridesmaids.

I gave them to Mindy and Amy on Mindy’s birthday and shortly thereafter I sent out the other two cards to Nellie and Jenn. It was great fun making them and fulfilled my must-do-something-crafty-for-the-wedding itch one nite. Plus it tickled the girls when they got them in the mail. Oh and to top it all off I made the envelopes too. Amy and Mindy’s was out of an old Dr Seuss book and Nellie and Jenn’s was out of sheet music. ;-) I’m a crafty woman! I must have an outlet for my creativity somehow! Argh!

Rage Against the (Marital) Machine

Rage against the (marriage) machine

I’m sort of abnormal. (Insert Abby Normal joke here) I’m not your average woman. I don’t like the Lifetime Movie Network and I generally don’t read romance novels. I don’t have a shoe fetish (don’t ask Chris, he’s a guy and has a total of three pairs). I don’t fall over myself trying to hold babies. (Kids are more interesting as they get older.) Also although I have an unsightly amount of costume jewelry I could care less about diamonds and jewels. Oh and don’t get me started on the color pink. Blah. I don't hate pink anymore but it is still not my favorite. Though admittedly I am fairly girly and normal in my own purple-tasic ways. I cry at Hallmark commercials, love shopping and getting dressed up. (Though I thoroughly enjoy lounging in jeans and a t-shirt.)

Now take a look at Chris. I think he is the more normal one in our relationship. (He is my "normal" half.) At least on the outside. I think he may not have shown how odd he really is to anyone else before. Now he’s embracing his lovely weirdness. He's letting his little flashing-neon-green light shine. And in many ways I'm still the odd crazy cat lady in our relationship. I'm polka dots, he's stripes. And even though he has a big hand in all the decisions and design of our wedding people still look to me for decisions because I have ovaries. (I can think of no other reason. Poor Chris gets left out again because of his lack of ovaries.....) So when I say "I" in this blog I mean "we" because I can't take complete credit for ALL the awesomeness!


So that should help you understand me when I say the wedding industry baffles and amuses me. Because: A. My fiancee has just as many opinions, ideas and is just as excited as I am about the ceremony and big party. Okay, admittedly some things like color and dresses he doesn't care about. Thank goodness. B. I generally don’t go googly-eyed over candies, cake, flowers, linens and seating charts. (Love the whipeed topping cakes tho!) C. We want everyone to have our kind of fun at our wedding.

Right now you are thinking yes of course you can have the wedding of your dreams! And where do you live I ask? In a big city or on one of the coasts untraditional weddings are huge and almost expected in this age. Here in central MN the things we want are 'just not done'. Tradition is king and conservatism is queen. People tend to look at you strange when you say you want a wii set up at the reception so people can play wii bowling. Yeah, getting crazy over here with the wii bowling, eh?!

Okay, don't get me wrong. I do enjoy going to traditional weddings. I tear up during the ceremony and first dance. (I have no idea why but I also cry during the national anthem at baseball games.) So I DO like and appreciate traditional weddings. But just as I like some of the oscar gowns on celebrities I would never wear those same gowns myself. Some things "just don't suit". To quote Sweethome Alabama.

So what do you do? You tell your family, you tell your friends and pray (praaaaaay!) they understand that you want paper flowers instead of real or fake ones from the craft store in town. Even if they don't understand WHY you want them hopefully they understand that you DO want them. When we come across opposition to our plans Chris shrugs it off. But me? I feel guilty and question what we want. That is the point where we lose everything we want and end up spending huge amounts on stuff we won't enjoy and that isn't us. I don't want a cookie cutter wedding. We don't want to go to the store and buy a kit that says "(Name) & (Name)'s Wedding" for five grand. I wouldn't buy the same size 6 neon orange thong undies just because everyone else was, why buy a wedding that doesn't fit?



And through it all Chris is unfailing in his desire for an "us" wedding. His geeky oddness doesn't waver. This strength is what keeps me from giving up and handing the keys to our wedding over to banality. He reminded me the other day of one of my favorite sayings from Dr Seuss: "Be who you are and say what you feel, for those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind". In our case I hope that means those who have your best interests in mind will try not say you can't do that, they'll say how can we make this happen?

Old post, new blog: Glow Sticks

On occaision I'll blow the dust off an old blog post from my old blog and my FB notes page.
Here is another one called "Glow Sticks"


Glow sticks.

Yes, glow sticks. Those things that hang around your neck for Halloween or concerts. In order for glow sticks to work you need to break them, then shake them. In a few seconds it starts to glow illuminating the dark around you. And only in the dark can you really see the glow.

I know I've been broken before. I've layed on the floor, broken and cried. And I know I've been shaken down to my core. Whether it be my beliefs or disbelief in what has occured.
So like glow sticks, we as humans need to be broken down and shaken up before we can glow. Only after adversity has knocked us down can we get up and show 'em what we're made of. How can you glow if there is no dark?

Let your light shine. Live your life. Don't be afraid to be broken.

ENGAGED!

WE’RE ENGAGED!!
WOOHOO!!
*joyous trumpets sound, the crowd cheers*
Yes, I AM jumping up and down in my seat. Well, I was. I don’t want to break the chair.
Well, where to start? Every month we have a special date. This month’s was on Saturday. All week long Chris was worried about the rain. I kept telling him it’ll be okay we’ll be inside for most of the time. Now I know why he was so nervous. I love him, he’s so cute.

I worked til 4 o’clock that day. I got home, got ready and ……..waited. He called at 527 to say he had to take a shower yet but he’d be there soon. The movie started at 6pm so I was a bit nervous we’d be late. He got there in ten minutes and we were off. I looked at him in the car and he looked like a drowned rat. He had water running down his face still but it made me laugh and smile.
We saw Toy Story 3 where we both cried. It was so good but sad at the end. I won’t give any more away than that. I kept scarfing down my popcorn but he had barely any. He said he was waiting for supper. (later he said he didn’t eat anything all day, he was nervous)

So we left the theater and the plan was to go to our spot, the top of the Paramount Theater parking ramp. Then walk down and eat at Mi Famiglia or Jules Bistro. He kept getting calls from his friend Matt. Finally when Chris said, oh well we’ll probably see you we’re at (street) and (street). Then I really began to wonder what he was up to. I asked and he said Matt was at a client of theirs leaving just after working on a computer. (no he waaaaasn’t!)

So we were driving up the ramp when we stopped on the second to top floor, not the top. And right in front of us was a table with two chairs, a checkered table cloth, two bottles of water, a stuffed crust pizza, Disney Princess (Belle!) napkins and 16 beautiful red roses in a vase.
I was blown away. Wow, that was cool.

Chris rolled down the windows in his car and put in a cd of love songs and us songs. We sat down and ate all the while I kept looking at him askance wanting to say something about it all. Finally I asked him “Is this just any date or a special date”. When really I wanted to say, YOU’RE GONNA PROPOSE AREN’T YOU!?!?!?! He grinned and said something witty that I can’t remember now. Argh. Stupid swiss cheese memory!

It rained the whole time with some sprinking of distant lightning and thunder. It was perfect since we both love storms. We got up and looked out over the downtown area, sometimes slow dancing. All the while awesome songs were playing. Some made me cry. I guess I was still emotional from Toy Story 3, huh? ;-) I can’t remember all the songs but I remember: The Broken Road, Paradise by the Dashboard Lights, a song from Mulan (oh what was it?!), Lead Me, The Rose, Every Rose Has its Thorn, three songs from Beauty and the Beast and some more but I can’t for the life of me Remember.

So when the first Beauty and the Beast song came on we were overlooking the downtown. The second came on and we slow danced. As we were dancing Chris started to say something to me. Then the sky lit up with lightning as I’ve never seen. It was a few seconds long. Normal lightning is a split second in length, this kept going. Then before I could open my mouth, thunder like rolling explosions on top of one another came. And it was freaky. It shook us and I normally love a thunderstorm but this scared me a bit. I was clinging onto Chris. After it stopped I dislodged myself from his shoulder and told him I was okay. I was but a bit shaken up. It was like God was giving him an intro. Pretty cool, huh?!

Chris started talking again about all the things he wished for me in my life and how he loved me. Honestly I was dazed at that point knowing what was going on. He took out the ring box, got down on one knee and ended with Will You Marry Me?
All the while mind you, Beauty and the Beast was playing. By this point though it had gone to “Something There” from the movie. Wow, does my man know me or what? Plus he knows some of the words to the songs and where they are in the movie. Oh melt my heart!

AWWWW! Okay I know Chris is a romantic but how utterly and totally cool was that?
And I did get asked this by a few people. And in case you too are wondering, I said yes.
*Smirk*