I'm a girl and I can change my mind if I want to. AKA how I messed up the budget.

I’m a girl, I can change my mind if I want to. AKA how I messed up the budget.



We’re at the seven month mark. Seven months to go and we have a lot done. What we don’t have done is saving a bunch of money. We’re both to blame so no finger pointing, it won’t help anyway. I am going to ask for more hours at my part time job and Chris, well, he has plans of his own. It is incredibly hard saving money when you don’t make much or what you do make goes to bills.

We have been gifted 60% of the wedding budget already. So we haven’t far to go to reach our five grand budget for the wedding. However we both have concluded we need $1,000 for the new apartment and another $2,000 for the honeymoon. Obviously in order of importance the apartment comes before the honeymoon. We were over by five hundred dollars on the wedding budget but we buttoned down and got it just at the original budget level. That’s even with added expenses, gifts for family, extra board games for *ahem something and a couple of small things.

That being said now we get to the real meat of my story. Wherein I screw up the budget with emotions and a change of my mind. (because I’m a girl and I can.)

Remember my post “Another Cinderella’s Ball”? If you do then you know that it was a post full of emotional uncertainty. I was trying to figure out if I wanted to use the dress I had from my previously life: B.C., Before Chris. Once upon a time I did love that dress. I tried it on again and I think two things happened and I settled for the dress. I saw the dress as being “beautiful enough for me” and secondly I didn’t want to needlessly spend money on another dress when I have a perfectly good one already in my possession. I do that a lot. I try to use what I’ve got then get frustrated when it doesn’t work and I end up trying to find the cheapest version of what I need instead of what is best.

In this regard I got both so let me explain.

When I first started having doubts I would look through bridal magazines and compare the dresses. Nothing stuck out at me except a lace tea length dress. Too casual and too expensive. I would compare the dress I had to the ones in the magazines and found the one I had was always winning. Still I would look at the pictures of the dress and feel a bit sad. A little longing that wouldn’t go away. It was pretty to be sure. But was it still me? If I was having doubts I should address them.

In the meantime since July I had been going to a store and seeing a gorgeous dress. It was simply beautiful, stunning, a favorite designer of mine, Mori Lee, and in the size I needed (with a corset back, a must have for me). And ‘it was so not me’ I told myself. Not my style. Too girly, too frou frou and too poofy. Anyway why was I looking when I had a perfectly good dress at home? But I kept coming back and looking to see if it was still there. Early August I went and looked and it was gone. Just when they had a really big sale. And it was GONE. Okay see, God was giving me a sign, its not meant to be. Just be happy with what you’ve got. One week later I went back and there it was again! Only two sizes too big this time. Oh. Well, another sign.

I kept going back and kept going back, I’d shop then go over to see if it was still there. That should have told me something. Finally one Friday nite in late October I gave in. I called Chris and asked “How much do you love me?” Through the conversation I explained I had a dress that I was about to try on. He knew that I was experiencing problems reconciling the old dress to the new wedding and the new me. But financially we couldn’t afford it. He was supportive and told me that whatever I decided we’d find a way to make it happen.

So I waited and waited and waited for the large fitting rooms to open up. (I’ll bet you’re wondering just where the heck I am at this point…..) I talked to a girl who worked there off and on while I waited. She finally banged on the door and asked the person (who happened to be an employee) if she was done because someone needed the room. After waiting and over analyzing what I was doing for fifteen minutes the girl finally came out. I had asked Chris to come over and help me with the dress but the girl, Leah, who worked there said she’d help so he didn’t see the dress. I am glad she was there because the dress was too big and she ended up clipping the back for me to see the finished product. It was so pretty I almost cried. It is nothing like I wanted before but everything that I do want now. I look at it and I see Belle’s gown in Beauty and the Beast. Except for a few minor things like it’s not yellow, doesn’t have sleeves and it has pick-ups instead of ruffles on the bottom. Oh just a few differences! But if you’d like to see it check out Morilee.com style number 6106.

So I decided to buy the dress. I had a 20% off coupon so it came to be $180.00. Yes just a bit under two hundred dollars. When others spend a lot more I was worried about that small amount. Silly I know but budget wise we have no room. At that point 180 bucks is more than we can spare.

And the biggest shocker is actually where I found it. Tags on it still, brand new and in pristine condition. I found it at a thrift store called Savers. Amazing, huh? I can only think that since they had two (or more) of the same dress that it was a bridal store that went out of business. They give a tax write off for items donated. The only thing is I was kinda sad that I had my weepy dress moment in the family fitting room at Savers alone except for a nice stranger who works there. But whatever works, now that I have the dress I absolutely love.

Tattoo I do or Tattoo I don't

Tattoo I do? Or Tattoo I Don’t?



When I turned 19 I wanted a tattoo. I wanted it enough to wrangle my friends into giving me money for my birthday so I could go out and get one. What I wanted was a rose and since my favorite color is, was and always will be purple, I wanted it that color. But being 19, excited and shy I just went to the first tattoo place I found. I picked the 'best' looking rose and went with it.

I wanted it in a place that would be easily hidden if I didn’t want it to be seen, but seen if I wanted it to. So I chose a few inches down from my shoulder on the left part of my chest. Straight over from my armpit. I still remember being so embarrassed because I had to wear a tank top to get it done. GASP! A tank top! In public! Oh NOoooooOOoooOooooo! I can laugh now at how I lacked self esteem to wear a tank top out, yet wanted a rose tattoo on my chest. Go figure.

When I went into the back to get the tattoo done I had to sit back in a chair much like a dentist chair. Another guy was there and suddenly had his head hovering over my chest. Ah, excuse you?! The tattoo artist said he was an assistant just learning and wanted to know if it was okay for him to watch. What was I to say? No, get your head outta my boob-area? I was 19, about to get a tattoo and ultra shy wearing a worn out old tank top. So I said yes.

Then he started and the PAIN of it jolted like electricity through me. OWEE OW OW!! See normal women have things called breasts. They are mostly flabby tissue. Like pillows of fat. Sorry women, but it’s true, if it’s not milk, its fat. (Or silicone if you fake it.) Anyway as I said before the tattoo is farther up my chest making it even further from anything soft. So when I was laying back in the chair suddenly the tattoo was no longer on anything soft and void of nerve endings. What it was on was hard chest, rib cage - my torso full of pain as he tattooed onto my skin. OW!!

Oh and I’ll take this opportunity to explain something. I’m scared of needles. Yes. Scared of needles. Another head scratcher I know. How did I end up getting tattoo? Shear nerves. I know I wasn’t drunk, they don’t tattoo inebriated people. Plus I was 19 and this was my rebellion! Don’t back down! Do it to prove something! Getting a tattoo was my ultimate angst fueled battle against….. um…. I don’t remember. . ..

So after all that pain I had my tattoo. It hurt like a son of a gun. I’d say something harsher but I’ve lost all angst in that one battle. After the required time limit I took the bloody bandage off and saw my new tattoo. About 2” long by 1.25” wide it isn’t overly big and sort of looked like an on-the-verge-of-wilting flower. The petals look spiky and overall it really didn’t age too well. (My fault for not taking care of it.) Kind of small and pitiful looking, but its mine and I’ve got it for the rest of my life.

So in general it doesn’t cause a problem. I’m not ashamed of it anymore than the other parts of my past. I’ve had wrongs but they usually didn’t leave such a visible lasting mark. But sometimes it sneaks out from my clothes without me knowing. People are surprised and usually say, oh you’ve got a tattoo (because generally I don’t walk around wearing a tube top.) Though it is more visible now because I have better self esteem and wear tank tops a lot more. (out in public no less!)

But after saying I’m not ashamed of it I sound like a hypocrite when I say this: I’m not sure I want it to be seen during our wedding.

Yeah that’s really hypocritical of me to say but let me explain. I wore a strapless gown for Mindy’s wedding. And it seemed fine and all. I don’t cringe when looking at her pictures. You can see almost all of it and it looks okay. But I have a picture of me in my wedding dress when I tried it on. And the annoying thing is my tattoo shows about the top part of the rose and that’s it. For me it’s all or none! I don’t want a little peeking out, it’s distracting.

So what to do? I could photoshop every_single_picture of our wedding. But man, who would want to do that?! A tattoo removal is painful and just NOT in the wedding budget. Plus I’m fine with it for every other day of my life. I’m looking at tattoo cover up kits. But since it is right up against my dress I’d hate to stain it. ACK! What else is a girl to do?

I need advice!

By the way, probably not the best time to say this but I'm thinking of getting another tattoo. This one on my back of my favorite saying: We must be the change we wish to see in the world.
Um yeah. Perhaps AFTER the wedding....

Check check check

Check check check…..

Seven Months, three weeks…..
Or 236 days…

I get daily emails reminding me with daily tips that the days are counting down. I started the countdown on my calendar about a hundred days ago. Now daily I get emails to tell me what I should be doing. Some are really useful. Some are really useful …. for someone else. And a select few are fairly frou-frou. (That’s the word I use for girly and unnecessary.) Like: Arrange a printer or hire a calligrapher for table cards (7 months). (Pretty flowing handwritten names not high on our list of priorities) Discuss attendant’s duties with your maid of honor and bridesmaids (8-9 months) I really can’t see having this discussion with my girls unless they’ve never been in a wedding. Would you have this talk with groomsmen? I think not. But afterall Etiquette doesn’t sleep. And neither should the bride….. That I think is the sole purpose of a wedding checklist timeline. Dun dun da dunnnnnn!

And then there’s the real reason I wrote this blog post. Stretching out weddings for every penny they are worth. Many times if you are waiting more than a year for a wedding it is because of money concerns. I believe the wedding industry takes advantage of this by exploiting bride and groom’s desire to “do something” early on in the planning stages. Because so much happens in the last 6 months and before that there isn’t much to do but save money, plan and dream. So now the wedding checklists you find in magazines and books drive the timelines out of whack for all but the wealthiest of brides.

Determine your design, wording, font and paper stock for your wedding invitations, stationary, table cards and thank you notes, finalize order (7months) Yes, pick out the style and color but to finalize at 7 months? Whoaaaa…. We don’t even know the time the ceremony will start yet! Choose and order bridesmaid dresses and accessories-8 months. For Mindy’s wedding we ordered the dresses five months in advance. And they came three months in advance of the wedding. I’m asking my girls to look with me six months before, in January. A lot can happen to a woman’s body in eight months. Ask my friends who have had kids. *giggle*

And the final one that got me started ranting about the whacked out timeline:
Register for gifts (9-10 months, some checklists say sooner)
A little background about me. I love a good sale. By sale I mean clearance sale. As in, this is going buh-bye and we want it gone, here is our rock bottom price. “Normal” ad type sales are for things that will stick around, for generating interest in items the store wants you to buy now when it’s on sale or better yet, come back next week and get it at full price. Oh yeah I get my kicks on the back of the racks. The red and orange stickers haphazardly smashed into the front of the box, the side of the bin or stuck to the barcode. That’s where I get my deals. Sometimes it back fires if it is something I wish I had more of. Like shampoo that gets discontinued or snack flavors they stop making. Often it is seasonal items and you get one shot at it. The week-after-Halloween bat t-shirt marked 75% (off or better yet, 90% off). The day after Christmas 50% is pretty cool but the New Years Day 75% off xmas merchandise sale is even better… SCORE! And right now all the college dorm stuff sales make me happy. Dishes, bowls, bath rugs, even notebooks. Time to get more of those awesome bowl/plate combos. It’s a plate, it’s a bowl, its perfect for pastahhhhh! I could infomercianalize those but I won’t.

So where am I going with this? Other than off on a tangent. Pastabowl plates!

Registering early has its perks and pitfalls. While you may get to check off one more thing from the to-do list there are downsides to doing it too early. Many times I’ve gone looking through at a list for a wedding at stores only to find they’ve been marked down to clearance. Ahhh, but that’s great you say, save the people who love us money, right? WRONG. Good luck finding said clearance object. Try it but once. Grab an employee and ask them where it is. They’ll look at the list, go to the spot where it was, tap on the tag a bit, mumble, go to the aisle endcap with the clearance, stare at the list and say it should be there, it says we have three left. Then they mumble something like, sorry and walk away. Leaving you all alone to contemplate the rest of the stuff left on the list.

So unless you are registering for a car (which only gets booted out of the ‘store’ once a year) you’re better off going to register max of 6 months in advance. Or the middle of the season just before your wedding. Because even if you don’t set foot in any aisle with seasonal stuff you know there is a huge chance they won’t have your dishes, dish towels, bedding or super fantabulous as-seen-on-t.v. gadgetry. The dining sets get changed out at least three times a year, new colors come in for bath and bedding. Out with the old, in with the new!

This is all just advice for brides who aren’t going to be heading to downtown Minneapolis to register for fine china or crystal stemware. (That is the stuff they keep in stock for years. You’re safe registering for that.) If you are that kind of bride or you just want to mark something off that grand Wedding Planning Checklist then go right ahead. It’s a big world and diversity makes it wonderful. So go grab your calligrapher, call up your printer, wrangle your fiancée and head to the nearest store to beep your way through the aisles. In the meantime I’ll keep working on my save the dates and watching the shows I’ve dvr-ed. I’ve got a lot of Glee to catch up on afterall.

A Real Life Toy Story 3

Overwhelmed.

Lately I’ve been feeling overwhelmed when I get home. Especially when I go into my bedroom. Since I was a teen my bedroom has been my getaway. My place to escape and also my storage spot. When I was a kid though I used to drag all my toys into the livingroom and play there, not my room. Finally my parents, being fed up with their couch being a toy box, told me to go play in my bedroom.

But now when I walk into my bedroom there is no place to play even if I had the urge to break out some toys. (Okay I KNOW a few of you are thinking dirty just because the words bedroom, play and toys were in the same sentence. Oh and the word urge. Don’t go there!) I have piles of stuff with two paths, one to the window/air conditioner and one to my bed and closet. This is no way for a grown woman to live. Though I fully admit I’m not a grown woman. That is another blog post though.

Embarassed.

When I tried on my dress a few weeks back I prayed my mom (who helped me into it) would not say anything about my room. My parents have the habit of KNOWING I’m not a grown woman and calling me out on stuff like you would a 16 year old. Ugh. Anyway as she was helping me and having a hard time she kept backing up into the piles of stuff. I was embarrassed. Then a couple weeks later Mindy came into my room to help me into it again so she could see it. Again I was embarrassed. There is a reason ‘bare ass’ is in that word. That’s how you feel like you are. I felt shameful like I was naked and ‘bare assed’.

Denial. Not just a river in Egypt.

Let me stop here because I don’t want you to have the wrong impression. I am not a hoarder. You watch the show Hoarders and see gobs of flies sitting on old rotten food and find animal carcasses both domesticated and feral under piles of junk. I may be in denial and I know not all hoarders keep garbage but my problem is I happen to just be lazy with occasional fits of cleanliness. All my stuff is clothes, knick knacks, books and whatnots I’ve acquired or I’ve been given over the years. I don’t keep every pizza box, clean it and shove it away in case I need to deliver 27 pizzas somewhere. Honestly I talked to a couple in St Cloud at a garage sale and they said his mother did just that.

Saying goodbye to old friends ala Toy Story 3.

So let’s get back to staring at the massive amount of stuff in my room. As I stand there looking I get overwhelmed so I put it off. But lately I have had an itch. I read a saying that said: “Live Simply So Others Can Simply Live.” Have I been living simply? No. I see that in the piles of stuff I haven’t taken care of. In the jewelry that falls behind the shelf and stays there because there is just too much stuff in the way. I see it also in the large Rubbermaid tubs where I keep old memories, toys, books and clothes that never get used. Sadly they may never get used or looked at again if I just keep feeling overwhelmed. So I sat down on the floor Sunday morning and started. Slowly at first I went through what I found on the floor by a bookshelf. I put things into three piles: toss, donate and keep. Then on the bookshelf I pulled off the books, categorized them and re-arranged the shelves to fit some large scrapbooks on them. I carefully worked my way down one wall. Then I worked on what was in the tubs so I could have room to put away things in the keep pile. I re-arranged parts of my room while doing this. I found it got easier and easier as I tried to look at everything with an analytical eye. I tried to distance myself emotionally. It worked for the most part.

Partius Interruptus.

Soon it was time to go to a birthday party and my cleaning was interrupted. After that I met up with my parents. A friend texted me to tell me she was in town but my room was even more of a disaster than when I started. I told her no and sent her a picture. But by then the disaster was orderly piles instead of disarray. Hurrah! Then the feeling of being overwhelmed came back extra strong. I must have been emotional because I fell asleep on the hard floor for a half hour. Holy crap. The hardest part of it all is parting with gifts and things from my childhood. Three porcelain dolls I have was hard. But I consoled myself knowing that maybe some little girl would cherish them as I did when I was younger. I have no room now to display all my knick knacks and they would make someone happy.

So the next two nites I kept plugging away at the piles, at the tubs, the bookshelves, and the closet. On Tuesday nite a bit before 8pm I loaded up my car full of stuff. My whole back seat and the floor (my trunk is a gateway to Narnia so I can’t use that…..) and the front seat piled a foot from the ceiling and the floor as well. Just to give you an idea that my car does in fact at this point look like it belongs next to that “van down by the river”. I decided when I started this that I’d like to give most of it to the Place of Hope or Expressions of Hope on East St Germain. They are a Christian church that has a thrift store. So I drove through downtown, over the bridge and found that they were closed. Blah. So much for giving it to them. I called up Savers at 8:10 pm and found that they only accept donations til 8pm. Crap. Crap. Crap. I have a car full of stuff that like a bandaid I just want to rip off and have a clean break. The next nite I worked at Fashion Bug so I didn’t have time then.

So for the last two days I’ve had a car full of stuff. I do look like I’m homeless. Great. Just the look I was going for. I should throw some Mcdonald’s wrappers in for good measure.

Hopefully tonite I will have my not-so-clean break and give it all away. I started out wanting to give away a third of my possessions and so far I’d estimate it was more like a sixth to an eighth. Good start but hopefully I’m not done. God granted me the strength to start now I hope he’s got more for me to continue.

True friendship is a poke in the butt

The women in my life.

This last weekend my sister and I saw the movie Grown Ups. Even with me being a huge movie buff I count this as my new favorite comedy. It seemed like a cross between Indian Summer, Cheaper by the Dozen 2, and Now and Then. It felt so real like someone’s home movies. It didn’t feel like acting and I can see the actors had a lot of fun making it. This got me to thinking about my group of friends and the friends I’ve had in my life. So today I want to talk about are the girls in my life. If it wasn’t for the girls who have supported me with their tears, my tears and our laughter I would be a different person today. Ask my mom, friendships mean a lot to me.

Let me explain. Back in school I was a bit of an outcast. Remember when being an outcast was bad, not good? Yeah, those days. Anyway I was a weird little kid, weird shy preteen and weirder teen. (I’m not throwing my own pity party, just stating facts.) In high school I finally started to get friends. In the 6th, 7th and 8th grades my friends were sort of the outcasts drawn together. I am thankful for those friendships, they got me through a lot. But in high school I started to get close, lasting friends. Also I started to grow up. My social finesse was quite lacking. For instance take how I met my best friend in high school. I came up to her in choir, introduced myself and asked her what she liked to collect. Then I said…… I collect rocks! (Pause for laughter) Yes, and she ended up my friend (still is!) even after that!

Then in college things changed. I really grew, I became less shy. Thankfully no more talk of rocks. Also I could talk to guys who weren’t close friends. Whoa. What’s happening?

So what I’m saying is I don’t take friendships lightly. Pretty much someone has to ignore me for a long time or say I don’t want to be your friend for me to not count them as a friend. Maybe that’s good, maybe that’s bad. It also means I don’t walk away from toxic relationships either. Thankfully though I think all of my closest friends aren’t toxic. Maybe fattening and cholesterol filled but not toxic. NOM NOM NOM French Fries and chocolate…..nom nom nom

I have so many close friends that I can tell anything to that I feel blessed. I have many not close friendships too and some acquaintances as well. But it is those close friends I hold in my heart. You know you’ve got a close friend when you can poke her in the butt walking up the stairs and all she does is goes slower on purpose or yells at you to knock it the hell off.

Ah, true friendship is a poke in the caboose.

Not a surprise, I'm cheap.

In an ongoing effort to NOT keep things secret and NOT a surprise I bring you my latest find!
I ordered these off the fashionbug website and had them sent to the store for free shipping. Well yeah, I work there so I’d be going there anyway! Ha ha
They were originally 12.99 and on the website they were marked down to 5.35 AND buy one get one FREE. My total was 16.70 for six pairs! That figures out to be 2.78 per pair! WAHOO!
I’m giving them to all of my bridesmaids. I order half Large, half medium. Only thing I’m worried about is one BM Nellie. She wears a size 11 and the large is a 9-10. They had no XL left. Boo. Well, we’ll see. If they don’t fit her I’ll take the diamond off them and add it to a pair of black flip flops in her size. I’ll make it work dangit.

Moissanite. My space rock.

Moissanite.

Last year (2009) when Chris and I started getting serious he started showing me pictures of rings. Then we’d go to jewelry stores and I’d oogle all the rings. It seemed each time we went we’d both get a bit disheartened, sad or downright depressed. Firstly none of the rings I was seeing really caught my eye. I guess I’m picky about what will sit on my finger for the rest of my life! Go figure. All the rings seemed gaudy to me. Too big, way too small or too…….. silver. Wait, no, that’s white gold. Erm I learned early on not to say silver. Sorry. I wanted “yellow” gold. Like yellow snow apparently no one wanted yellow gold either. What I wanted was something simple and "swoopy".
But the biggest setback was cost. It was all too costly. Neither of us has much money. That’s why we have second jobs.




We were discussing how expensive the rings were and I came up with the idea that I'd be very happy with an amethyst instead of a diamond. Everyone has a diamond and with the blood diamond controversy I didn't want that hanging over my head either. But all the jewelers told us an amethyst is too "soft" and we'd end up replacing too often. (reminds me of poor Mindy who couldn't get her pearl engagement ring because pearls don't last with everyday wear)
Then one day Chris asked if I knew what Moissanite was. I’d heard of it somewhere but didn’t have much knowledge of it.




What is moissanite?

Back in 1893 a man named Henri Moissan was researching the minerals from a meteorite that landed in in Canyon Diablo in New Mexico over 50,000 years ago. He found minute traces of Silicon Carbide in the samples. Ten years later it was renamed Moissanite. Mostly found in meteorites and underground the mineral is so rare in its natural form that all of it in the world would not make a full pair of earrings. It took until the 1980s and 1990s to find that lab creating it and using it would make a brilliant gem. Cree labs partnered with Charles and Colvard and is now the exclusive manufacturer and marketer of Moissanite gems.




How it stacks up.




Diamonds are a girls best friend. Because of what?
Rarity.
Check.
Brilliance.
Check.
Color, cut, Mohs hardness.
Check check check.





So overall since the price of a Moissanite is approximately half the price of a diamond, has more brilliance, (they can give it more facets) and is so close in hardness to a diamond why wouldn’t I want it? Oh and its rarer in its natural form than a diamond. (Even the lab created gems are more rare than diamonds.)

Yes, and the best part?
I can say I have a space rock on my finger!!!
How many can say that?! *big grin*

DIY all day long

DIY all day long.

The list of my DIY projects is long. Very long. Like 19 different projects long. At this point you’ll react to that in one of two ways. If you are a crafty gal/guy you’ll say, “ That’s all? Really, only 19?” You Martha Stewart types must require little or no sleep. However on the opposite token most people will say “OMG, you are insane, how do you expect to get it all done?!” With time and patience and a lot of other commodities that get switched out when you have little to no money.
With Chris trading his computer skills for the reception site and dj I feel the need to contribute some of my skills too. So here is the list of crazy crafty torture projects I’ve come up with:
Invitations
Save the Dates
Response Cards
Envelopes
Paper flowers
Sundae Sign
Popcorn sign
Krazy straw tags
Programs and cds
Pew décor
Pretzel rods
Bridesmaid jewelry
Bridal jewelry
Bridal tiara
Scrabble place settings
Cake topper people
Cufflinks
T-shirt poster
Garter belts

Oh boy. And I keep adding to the list.

Honestly I need to stop. STOP! But I can’t. I will need to find a cheap way to do something for the wedding but at the same time I find more projects to do!
My best friend Mindy is getting married and I’m trying to put all my craftiness into her wedding. So she thinks I’m being nice in helping but really I’m just trying to not come up with more projects for my own!
To be perfectly honest some of these I’m getting help on. My mom is going to help me with the pretzel rods. The other day when she showed me a cool bag she did up for our popcorn I said to her, okay you get to do that. Only because I can’t take on more projects til I get more done!

Chris is going to be making the cds we are giving out at the ceremony. I’ll make the holders though.

I already did the girls’ necklaces and my necklace and bracelet. I have enough left over to make them all bracelets and make some extras for my personal attendant and various helpers.

My necklace? We'll see.

One of the girls' necklace.

Along the way I’ll enlist my friends. Though I’m the kind that likes to do it all myself. I know I’ll eventually need help. In fact I’ll probably be yelling HELP! Along about April and May. That’s when we’ll be doing another project: moving. Ugh. I hate moving. Until then I’ll be working on my diy list and having fun.
But you know what? Though I sound like I’m complaining, I’m not. I’m so excited about doing all these things. I am literally like a kid in a candy store. I have book bags with certain projects in them that I bring to work to do on my lunch. Free time sees me making flowers, necklaces or pondering over invite designs. Wow, can we could get married every year? This is fun!

Another Cinderella's Ball

What if Prince Charming wasn’t Cinderella’s first kiss?

Ah, dress shopping. The running of the brides and trying on big gauzy, fluffy, tight, slinky, lacy, satin dresses of fanciful dreams and all that jazz. Like it or not what you wear is a huge deal on your wedding day. Some say it is the most important thing you’ll ever wear. For sure I think it is the most photographed thing you’ll ever wear by far.

I think every bride dreams of her perfect dress or dressy outfit at least. And every mother dreams of being there to help her into it. Or to nix the bad ones at least.

So what if this step was taken completely out of the equation?

What then?

What are you left with? Going with the groom to pick out his tux, or in our case suit? Not very fun. Sorry guys.

This is what I’m faced with. Because life isn’t always a Cinderella fairy tale. Your Prince Charming is rarely ever the first guy you kissed. And in my case not the second. Maybe third. No, sorry, fourth. But that’s it Chris, I swear. *giggle*

All joking aside I have to admit I was engaged before. My side of the family and friends know the situation. Almost no one but me really liked the guy. And I was blind until God and reality stepped in and closed that door. Five months later I found my friend Kari opening the window and I crawled out of the dark musty room I was in out into the fresh air and found Chris.

When I was engaged before I was the one planning, I was the one forking over lots of money to buy things for the wedding. It was all me. So when I crawled out into the fresh air I had emotional and physical baggage. Literally I came with a wedding. Look! Bride in a bag, wedding in a box! Oh neat.

No, not neat. Not at all. I started going through all the stuff I had acquired. I talked to Chris and he said do whatever with it, keep it, toss it, whatever. It was my stuff, not Phillips. But the more I looked at all the stuff from my “previous life” the more I felt it was dark. Dark and not happy, not at all. The color I wanted was a dark plum, darn near black. The centerpieces were wrought iron candle holders. The only thing light and happy was the xmas/wedding lights.

So I started to purge. I purged out a lot of things and threw them on a garage sale. And when Chris and I started planning our wedding it was so different. I found a man who cared and wanted to have his input into our wedding. It would be fun, exciting and very Sheri and Chris, or Chris and Sheri. We have both come up with so many things inspired by our love of life. Board games, pop culture references, fun toys as kids. This all feels so ..... right. No more darkness, I’m out of the room and into life.

But through all my purging I came to a dead stop at one thing. Very few things survived the purging but one did. My dress.

My beautifully color embroidered, beaded, heavenly and wonderful dress.

In my “previous life” I went dress shopping once while I was engaged. A few friends came with me to try on the big white dresses. Or what I could find in my size that is. Not many bridal salons have my size. I’m not the biggest, not the smallest but I was about a 16/18 at the time. I found one that I really liked. We took some pictures, got some business cards but I couldn’t afford even the cheapest $500 dress. So I started looking online. Ebay, being my drug of choice (and still is). I came upon what I wrongfully remembered as an Alfred Angelo gown but really was a DaVinci. The gown maker DaVinci seems to be the designer knock off brand. But I don’t care. It was gorgeous. A size 20 but has a lace up back and you know all gowns and bridesmaid dresses run two sizes too small. I bid and won with shipping it was $150. What a steal. But could it be that good of a deal? It came and it was. I tried it on twice. Once for my friends when I first got it and once for my parents and his mom. That is the only memory I have associated with the dress and anyone from his side.

So I have waited to try this dress on. I lost some weight and am desperate to see if it still fits. I wanted to wait to try it on with both families. In lieu of going dress shopping I guess. I’m so confused about this. A small nagging voice tells me I should get a new dress but another part really wants this dress. This dress I bought for ME. No one else and I’d like for my true, real and true love Chris to see me in it. I have never seen its equal with the beading and embroidery. I honestly want to wear this dress. So why does that little voice tell me I’m missing out on something? Dress shopping would be more irritating than exciting for me.

So tomorrow both sets of parents are coming over. Then in my room I will have my mom lace up the back of the dress and make sure it fits properly. We’ll talk a bit about it and I’ll tell her how I feel while she’s lacing it all up. She'll have great wisdom for me like always. Then I’ll walk out into the room full of family and see how I feel about wearing this dress meant for another Cinderella’s ball.
I guess we’ll see.

Purple Passion

Oh how I love purple. It encompasses a lot in my life. It used to be most of my wardrobe (I’ve gotten away from that.) When I see purple jewelry I have to remind myself of all the “pretty shiny pieces” I have at home. In fact at work I have a deal with a co-worker that I get to wear purple every day of the week except Friday, which she’s taken.

I blame my mother for this purple obsession. Let’s take a time machine back to my Kindergarten class in 1984. At the end of the year we got to take home the felt sign in the shape of a crayola crayon that had our name on it. My favorite color was red at the time. When I brought my felt sign home it was purple and I was devastated because it wasn’t red. I remember my mom telling me it was okay because you know what, purple was her favorite color. So then purple was my favorite too! Funny how that happens with 6 year olds.

Pretty in……. Purple
After that I have no idea when purple really became my favorite but it is. Funny thing is that it is also a best friend of mine’s favorite too. But when it came for her getting married she decided on red, black and ivory instead. A choice her and her fiancée made as a nod to his asian heritage she said. I’m not that nice I told Chris our color was purple. Apparently she’s nicer than me.

So flash back to the present day and into the thicket of wedding planning. Purple was always my choice for my wedding color. Purple dresses, ribbons, napkins, flowers and whatnots. Anything that we have a choice on I’d like it to be purple. And to accent that color I’d like to use gold. Wait for it, wait for it. ……. Are you there yet? Minnesota Viking’s colors are purple and gold. My brother said if people heard about the colors they’d show up in Viking jerseys. I don’t care as long as they show up. Just to make it clear I couldn’t care less about Vikings or football in general. Chris likes the Vikings but he doesn’t get all twisted up about them. In a nutshell I like purple, I like gold. Tada! Purple and gold!

Pick a peck of purples

The other day Chris’ mom Elaine asked me what kind of purple I decided on. Um……. Purple purple? Um, plum purple? Oh whoa. It hit me; yeah what kind of purple DO I want? I mean WE want. (Truthfully Chris doesn’t care about this as much as the more fun parts of the wedding.)
So I went to Menards and found paint samples for inspiration. And I had figured as soon as I pick out what color I’ll get enough samples for all involved. Easy to show to the bridal stores so they don’t come out with something closer to puke than purple.

Silly thing is I knew there are many purples when she asked me. I went to college for advertising and graphic design. So I should have been ready for this question. Pantone is the company that makes the premiere color swatches everyone in the industry uses. I’d love to get my hands on a pantone book, but paint chips are a close cheap second.

So I grabbed all the purple paint chips I could find and narrowed them down to the dark purples. They have funny names which I guess tries to make them stand out. Here are the rejected ones:
Mirabella, Violet Prism, Crayola Violet DK69, Noble Crown, Crushed Grapes, Purple Onyx, Pansy Petal, Purple Coneflower, Aurora Morn, Royal Plum, Plush Purple, Imperial Purple, Pageant Pansy, Royalty, Pretty Polly Plum, Crocus Purple, Byzantine Purple, Cleopatra’s Gown, Elderberries, and my favorite name if not color, Paddywack.

So with all those to choose from it is a sure bet I was overwhelmed by all the awesome purple-ness! I finally narrowed it down to three, consulted Chris, narrowed it down to two then……… one.

The contenders; Boysenberry Frost (red-ish purple), Perfectly Purple (plain purple) and Precious Gift (has the most red of the three). Chris nixed Precious Gift. So it was up to me to decide between the last two. Who knew one stinking color could be so difficult to decide on!

And the winner in the race is………. Perfectly Purple because it is a plain and the easiest to match up. Now I just need to go and steal, um I mean procure, the rest of the Perfectly Purple paint samples from Menards….
Ah…….decision made!

Project Wedding article

There is a contest on Project Wedding for the best article on how to be a budget savvy bride. They said make it as long as you want with as many pics as you want. The top prize is a $500 gift card to amazon.com
Here is my article.

Weddings are wonderful expressions of love. But they are also costly in time and money. Here are my ways to keep sane and financially secure.

My Ring.

My fiancé Chris and I are in our early thirties. We are in touch with who we are and who we aren’t. When we got engaged we talked about what we wanted our wedding to be. A traditional wedding is very conservative, very elegant, very classy and very not us. So we knew what we didn’t want. But what did we want? We wanted bright, joyful, family centered and above all that FUN. But with what money we have it seems pretty meager. Early on we came to realize that just makes us get more creative.



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Love what you’ve already got!


The best way to start saving is to use things that you already have. For us this meant that instead of renting a limo we’ll be driven around in my parent’s classic 1956 Pontiac Star Chief. After you and your fiancé discuss what the look and feel of your day will be step back and take stock of what is around you. The best way to get your personality into your wedding is to use what you already have.

When we first met we played trivial pursuit and our first date was also trivia. We love games and wanted to use our board games for something in our wedding. Thus we’re using them for our centerpieces. On top of those will be old glass Coke bottles from my Coke collecting parents. In the bottles will be origami and paper–pieced roses and daisies, a cherished hobby of mine.



A bit of a mockup of our centerpieces.




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Beg, borrow, barter


Maybe origami flowers aren’t your forte. Or you don’t have an extra luxury vehicle sitting around. Beg, borrow, barter for what you need. Maybe not beg, but borrow and barter are great ways to get the things you need. Use what you can barter with and trade with your talents. Bartering and trading was the norm as late as when your grandparents got married. Maybe you or your fiancée make beautiful cabinets or you have a deft hand at design. Perhaps you have an antique armoire that your baker has her eye on. You never know until you ask. My fiancé is great with computers and owns a computer solutions company. So when it came to the reception site and DJ they were all paid for with trading skills.

Borrowing for weddings is as timeless as “I Do”. After all it is one of the good luck charms of weddings: Something new, something borrowed, something blue. If you have friends that got married and their tiara, jewelry or shoes are sitting around collecting dust ask to borrow them. But then again, something new is always fun. (Since most girls love to go shopping.)



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Love to shop, but be a spendthrift.


You didn’t marry the first boy that asked you for a date (or maybe you did!) or buy the first car you test drive. So don’t buy into the first dress, flower arrangement, ring set, décor, etc that you see. Look around. Unless you are on a severe time crunch you should have the time to check out your options. The old saying “I have more time than money” is often true. If one craft store has glass hurricane vases for $25.00 check around, bide your time, clip your coupons. Another store may have something similar (or better!) for less. Also, don’t be afraid to check out untraditional places for wedding items. The local craft store has one pound bags of black sand for 2.99 each. My best friend needed around 15-20 of these. Two blocks away Menards (a home remodeling store) had 20 pounds of black sand (the same sand) for 3.99 for the whole thing. She returned her bags of sand and bought one big one for much less. A person need not go into debt for beautiful centerpieces.

Another idea many brides don’t mention enough is thrift stores and garage sales. Depending on your style this may be your best resource. Looking for small glasses to keep the game pieces in on our centerpieces this was invaluable. A quarter per piece is better than even your local dollar store. And a new trend among weddings is using mason jars for various décor. Easily found at garage sales they are usually found in bulk. Chris and I looked into renting an antique looking popcorn machine on wheels for $39. But stopping at a garage sale when we were on vacation in a town a hundred miles from home we found the same machine for $50. Works like a charm and is now sitting in my game room as a cute antique brightening up the room. Perfect for movie nights when friends come over.



Even craigslist can be a great resource for finding linens, décor, dresses or even your photographer. Emerging talents await just a click away. But beware and always stay safe. When meeting with someone from online bring a friend and meet in a public place. What new DJ or photographer can resist meeting with a prospective client over coffee at Starbucks or tea at Panera? If they balk at that they may not be on the up and up. Use your common sense and stay safe.




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It is only one day.


With your wedding it is so easy to imagine the fairytale you’ve always wanted. The big lavish expensive all out “me” or “us”-fest of your dreams. Then reality crashes down and suddenly your schemes involve selling your car, your blood and maybe a relative or two to make money to fund it. Or your itchy trigger finger reaches into your purse to grab your 20% interest credit card. WAIT! Stop, put down the Visa card and step away. You are about to start your married life deep(er) in debt. The main reason couples get divorced in now is money. Fund your entire wedding with credit cards and you are asking for strife and trouble. I understand sometimes credit cards have to be used for some things. I am a big fan of putting all your deposits on credit card to keep track of the expenses and have an extra receipt. However only if you have the money to pay it off right away. Else your justified a couple hundred here or there turns into a few thousand into the tens of thousands. Ouch.




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Try to keep a level head.

Tantrums and fits only lead to disasters.


When a person gets emotional and disappointed because of a setback, however small or big, we tend to make rash decisions. Sometimes things work out but many times those decisions lead to disaster. For instance if you suddenly find out the dress you wanted so badly is no longer available you may, in a fit of emotional insecurity, buy the next one you “love”. Later you find that the original dress was still available at a store online. Now you are “stuck” with something that looked good in the store but under buyer’s remorse scrutiny looks nothing like what you saw in the mirror. Beware your emotions. Always keep someone at arm’s or phone’s length to help talk you through the emotional wedding rollercoaster. (A small tidbit, this isn’t always your best friend or even your mother. Choose someone as you would choose a rehab sponsor. A person who doesn’t have as much emotional vested interest. Preferably a guide who has been through this before and knows what you are going through.)




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Have YOUR wedding be a reflection of the two of you.




As I said before Chris and I are not ‘elegant and classy’. However, on the opposite token we are not “rednecks” nor uncouth. We are who we are and we want our wedding to reflect that. Knowing we didn’t have much to spend on flowers I opted to not have silk flowers because occasionally they try to look real but just come off as fake looking. Instead I went in the opposite direction. Origami and paper pieced flowers. There is no denying these aren’t real but they are also beautiful and handmade. They are in my opinion just as much of a work of art as real flowers. And as a bonus they can be created and stored months in advance.

Another way our wedding will showcase our personalities is in the food. We love going to new places and trying out their burgers and ice cream. (standard American diner fare) So for us it was a no brainer what we wanted for our reception dinner. A build your own burger bar with fries, coleslaw and fruits is perfect for us. And as for cake, we’ll have a small cake but our dessert will be a make your own sundae station. Complete with all the fixings you could think of.



Prioritize things in your wedding and make sure you know what you want. Keep the top priorities whether it’s the food, photographer or in our case board games in mind and work everything else around them. Because if you don’t have a strong sense of what your wedding will look like you will flounder as you go to wedding expos or as the day gets closer. Keep your options open but know if you want to invite 250 people to your wedding it will look nothing like an intimate 60 person small wedding. Be open to pasta instead of chicken, roses instead of lilies, a DJ instead of a band but know generally what you want.



My main piece of advice is to enjoy your day. What will you remember after all is done and you are looking back on the day? Remember the details but don’t forget the feeling. Sometime during your day close your eyes, inhale deeply and listen to the sounds of a wonderful day coming together to celebrate two people who fell in love.

Will you do me the honor of........ (picking the 'maids)

Will you do my the honor of.......

Ever since Chris slipped the ring on my finger and we started calling people we were getting two questions, when is the wedding and who are you asking to stand up for you? The first was easy, June 4th of next year. The second was um, well….difficult. I have so many awesome friends the list was too long. And even now I feel like I’m forgetting someone.

I deliberated over and over about who to ask. I looked at each person both through my heart and my head. My head said go with just four because that is what Chris came up with, four guys. (Though now he’s thinking about a fifth groomsman. Oh here we go again.) My heart said to hell with it! Have them all. Yeah all 11?! I don’t think so. My head then came up with the idea of a list of different needs to be fulfilled for the wedding. Greeter, personal attendant, day of coordinator, etc. From there my head said, take a look at everyone’s greatest strengths and weakness’ and go from there. I started to and was filling them when I ran out of things for people to do. Ugh.

Back to square one.
In my previous life I had this problem before. What I had done was to put all the names in a hat and pull them out. So one day at lunch (with absolutely no fanfare) that is what I did. And then I decided from the list whose strengths would best fulfill the needs I had listed.
Anti-climatic and very pragmatic but it worked.

Won't you be my neighbor.....um I mean bridesmaid?

I had started to make cards in anticipation that I would eventually come to a decision. I had seen someone who took folded paper and cut people out of them to ask their bridal party. It reminded me of the tag people I made for Chris’ birthday card announcing our trip to Duluth. So one night I made four tag people wearing different purple dresses. I made Amy and Mindy but left the other two hair less to be able to add the hairstyle of the other two as-then-unknown bridesmaids.

I gave them to Mindy and Amy on Mindy’s birthday and shortly thereafter I sent out the other two cards to Nellie and Jenn. It was great fun making them and fulfilled my must-do-something-crafty-for-the-wedding itch one nite. Plus it tickled the girls when they got them in the mail. Oh and to top it all off I made the envelopes too. Amy and Mindy’s was out of an old Dr Seuss book and Nellie and Jenn’s was out of sheet music. ;-) I’m a crafty woman! I must have an outlet for my creativity somehow! Argh!

Rage Against the (Marital) Machine

Rage against the (marriage) machine

I’m sort of abnormal. (Insert Abby Normal joke here) I’m not your average woman. I don’t like the Lifetime Movie Network and I generally don’t read romance novels. I don’t have a shoe fetish (don’t ask Chris, he’s a guy and has a total of three pairs). I don’t fall over myself trying to hold babies. (Kids are more interesting as they get older.) Also although I have an unsightly amount of costume jewelry I could care less about diamonds and jewels. Oh and don’t get me started on the color pink. Blah. I don't hate pink anymore but it is still not my favorite. Though admittedly I am fairly girly and normal in my own purple-tasic ways. I cry at Hallmark commercials, love shopping and getting dressed up. (Though I thoroughly enjoy lounging in jeans and a t-shirt.)

Now take a look at Chris. I think he is the more normal one in our relationship. (He is my "normal" half.) At least on the outside. I think he may not have shown how odd he really is to anyone else before. Now he’s embracing his lovely weirdness. He's letting his little flashing-neon-green light shine. And in many ways I'm still the odd crazy cat lady in our relationship. I'm polka dots, he's stripes. And even though he has a big hand in all the decisions and design of our wedding people still look to me for decisions because I have ovaries. (I can think of no other reason. Poor Chris gets left out again because of his lack of ovaries.....) So when I say "I" in this blog I mean "we" because I can't take complete credit for ALL the awesomeness!


So that should help you understand me when I say the wedding industry baffles and amuses me. Because: A. My fiancee has just as many opinions, ideas and is just as excited as I am about the ceremony and big party. Okay, admittedly some things like color and dresses he doesn't care about. Thank goodness. B. I generally don’t go googly-eyed over candies, cake, flowers, linens and seating charts. (Love the whipeed topping cakes tho!) C. We want everyone to have our kind of fun at our wedding.

Right now you are thinking yes of course you can have the wedding of your dreams! And where do you live I ask? In a big city or on one of the coasts untraditional weddings are huge and almost expected in this age. Here in central MN the things we want are 'just not done'. Tradition is king and conservatism is queen. People tend to look at you strange when you say you want a wii set up at the reception so people can play wii bowling. Yeah, getting crazy over here with the wii bowling, eh?!

Okay, don't get me wrong. I do enjoy going to traditional weddings. I tear up during the ceremony and first dance. (I have no idea why but I also cry during the national anthem at baseball games.) So I DO like and appreciate traditional weddings. But just as I like some of the oscar gowns on celebrities I would never wear those same gowns myself. Some things "just don't suit". To quote Sweethome Alabama.

So what do you do? You tell your family, you tell your friends and pray (praaaaaay!) they understand that you want paper flowers instead of real or fake ones from the craft store in town. Even if they don't understand WHY you want them hopefully they understand that you DO want them. When we come across opposition to our plans Chris shrugs it off. But me? I feel guilty and question what we want. That is the point where we lose everything we want and end up spending huge amounts on stuff we won't enjoy and that isn't us. I don't want a cookie cutter wedding. We don't want to go to the store and buy a kit that says "(Name) & (Name)'s Wedding" for five grand. I wouldn't buy the same size 6 neon orange thong undies just because everyone else was, why buy a wedding that doesn't fit?



And through it all Chris is unfailing in his desire for an "us" wedding. His geeky oddness doesn't waver. This strength is what keeps me from giving up and handing the keys to our wedding over to banality. He reminded me the other day of one of my favorite sayings from Dr Seuss: "Be who you are and say what you feel, for those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind". In our case I hope that means those who have your best interests in mind will try not say you can't do that, they'll say how can we make this happen?

Old post, new blog: Glow Sticks

On occaision I'll blow the dust off an old blog post from my old blog and my FB notes page.
Here is another one called "Glow Sticks"


Glow sticks.

Yes, glow sticks. Those things that hang around your neck for Halloween or concerts. In order for glow sticks to work you need to break them, then shake them. In a few seconds it starts to glow illuminating the dark around you. And only in the dark can you really see the glow.

I know I've been broken before. I've layed on the floor, broken and cried. And I know I've been shaken down to my core. Whether it be my beliefs or disbelief in what has occured.
So like glow sticks, we as humans need to be broken down and shaken up before we can glow. Only after adversity has knocked us down can we get up and show 'em what we're made of. How can you glow if there is no dark?

Let your light shine. Live your life. Don't be afraid to be broken.

ENGAGED!

WE’RE ENGAGED!!
WOOHOO!!
*joyous trumpets sound, the crowd cheers*
Yes, I AM jumping up and down in my seat. Well, I was. I don’t want to break the chair.
Well, where to start? Every month we have a special date. This month’s was on Saturday. All week long Chris was worried about the rain. I kept telling him it’ll be okay we’ll be inside for most of the time. Now I know why he was so nervous. I love him, he’s so cute.

I worked til 4 o’clock that day. I got home, got ready and ……..waited. He called at 527 to say he had to take a shower yet but he’d be there soon. The movie started at 6pm so I was a bit nervous we’d be late. He got there in ten minutes and we were off. I looked at him in the car and he looked like a drowned rat. He had water running down his face still but it made me laugh and smile.
We saw Toy Story 3 where we both cried. It was so good but sad at the end. I won’t give any more away than that. I kept scarfing down my popcorn but he had barely any. He said he was waiting for supper. (later he said he didn’t eat anything all day, he was nervous)

So we left the theater and the plan was to go to our spot, the top of the Paramount Theater parking ramp. Then walk down and eat at Mi Famiglia or Jules Bistro. He kept getting calls from his friend Matt. Finally when Chris said, oh well we’ll probably see you we’re at (street) and (street). Then I really began to wonder what he was up to. I asked and he said Matt was at a client of theirs leaving just after working on a computer. (no he waaaaasn’t!)

So we were driving up the ramp when we stopped on the second to top floor, not the top. And right in front of us was a table with two chairs, a checkered table cloth, two bottles of water, a stuffed crust pizza, Disney Princess (Belle!) napkins and 16 beautiful red roses in a vase.
I was blown away. Wow, that was cool.

Chris rolled down the windows in his car and put in a cd of love songs and us songs. We sat down and ate all the while I kept looking at him askance wanting to say something about it all. Finally I asked him “Is this just any date or a special date”. When really I wanted to say, YOU’RE GONNA PROPOSE AREN’T YOU!?!?!?! He grinned and said something witty that I can’t remember now. Argh. Stupid swiss cheese memory!

It rained the whole time with some sprinking of distant lightning and thunder. It was perfect since we both love storms. We got up and looked out over the downtown area, sometimes slow dancing. All the while awesome songs were playing. Some made me cry. I guess I was still emotional from Toy Story 3, huh? ;-) I can’t remember all the songs but I remember: The Broken Road, Paradise by the Dashboard Lights, a song from Mulan (oh what was it?!), Lead Me, The Rose, Every Rose Has its Thorn, three songs from Beauty and the Beast and some more but I can’t for the life of me Remember.

So when the first Beauty and the Beast song came on we were overlooking the downtown. The second came on and we slow danced. As we were dancing Chris started to say something to me. Then the sky lit up with lightning as I’ve never seen. It was a few seconds long. Normal lightning is a split second in length, this kept going. Then before I could open my mouth, thunder like rolling explosions on top of one another came. And it was freaky. It shook us and I normally love a thunderstorm but this scared me a bit. I was clinging onto Chris. After it stopped I dislodged myself from his shoulder and told him I was okay. I was but a bit shaken up. It was like God was giving him an intro. Pretty cool, huh?!

Chris started talking again about all the things he wished for me in my life and how he loved me. Honestly I was dazed at that point knowing what was going on. He took out the ring box, got down on one knee and ended with Will You Marry Me?
All the while mind you, Beauty and the Beast was playing. By this point though it had gone to “Something There” from the movie. Wow, does my man know me or what? Plus he knows some of the words to the songs and where they are in the movie. Oh melt my heart!

AWWWW! Okay I know Chris is a romantic but how utterly and totally cool was that?
And I did get asked this by a few people. And in case you too are wondering, I said yes.
*Smirk*

The Cart Before the Horse

Weird.

I feel weird. Well of course I feel weird, I AM weird. Well, okay so a duck can’t feel like anything but a duck. Still I feel at odds with myself.

See in the last like month Chris and I have been talking about our wedding. We actually have most of it planned out. And hey that’s great you say! But here’s the catch. We aren’t engaged yet. Yes, he hasn’t officially proposed yet. I keep telling him how I feel weird making plans for something that isn’t fully formed yet. Sort of like picking baby names before your pregnant. Oh wait. We’ve already done that too. I get all excited then feel bad for getting excited. I feel I’m excited for no reason.



A few nagging concerns.



Actually we both feel like we’re engaged already. The only thing we’re waiting on is a small thing I asked Chris to do a few months ago. (Nevermind, don't ask.) We’re doing it all backwards and it feels so right except for a couple nagging thoughts.


I'd like that moment of surprise when he asks. It's enough that I pester him constantly just because its fun. But in reality I do want it to be a surprise. It would have been cool to have it come out of the blue but we wanted to talk about things before. We started talking last year about marriage. I guess we both wanted to make sure what the other wanted matched our goals and wishes. So instead of out of the blue I got something better, security. Which I found in past relationships I was missing. Another reason we were meant for eachother. He makes me feel safe and secure.



Another nagging thought. When we do get engaged what else do we have to plan? Not much. Which is good and bad. Being organized is never bad. But the thrill of planning we've already had. That feeling of 'what to do, how do we start?' we won't have to experience. Instead we'll have that work your butt off to save up for the big party problem. Which we hope to do under $3,000- $4,000. (Hush now, I heard your gasp) More on that in another post.

But I can’t help reading all the cool and odd wedding-y blogs like Offbeat Bride, Plumage, Weddingbee, AntiBride. (I've found I'm not your Knot type person) And I love talking with Chris about it. Especially when HE brings it up. Everytime I say I feel weird about planning our wedding he asks why. He tells me it's okay to do this. And if he thinks it's okay and for the most part I think it's okay then it is? Right?

But when I talk to friends, family or complete strangers, I can feel something. Unless it's my imagination I think people assume I’ve lost my marbles. We’re not engaged, why are we planning a wedding that hasn't been proposed yet? Oh and when they find out all the details we’ve got I’m sure they’ll really think we’ve lost our marbles. I feel like we’re in some sort of RomCom movie where the leading lady has a book of wedding stuff before being engaged. Or a movie where two kids fall in love and plan it all out just for reality to jump in and screw it all up.

We both know he’s going to ask and I’ll say yes. And we both know we want to get married next year. In fact we have a date, June 4th. So why do I feel so weirded out about being so excited?



I have a tendency to get all excited about something and then forget about it. So I'm assuming that will happen a while after we do get engaged. But with Mindy getting married then my friend Heather next year a month prior to our wedding I'm sure I'll have enough to keep my interest, eh?

Hmmm....

You know what? Either way it is what it is and this is how we are. If I'm worried over a small thing such as this what will the rest of the wedding be like? Too stressful. And that's not what I want. That's not what WE want. We want a fun time to be had by all. So pfffft :-P to everyone who thinks us planning a wedding before we're engaged is strange. Believe me this is the tip of the iceberg for weird and strange. Wait til next June 4th and we'll see if anyone remembers that we planned it before he asked!

Thats my story and I'm sticking to it.

(How's that for changing your mind?!! ha ha)

Tell me Lies, Tell Me Lies, Tell me sweet little lies

Old blog from my Facebook site. Well, not that old but still from late last year. I'll be posting some "older" notes from there.



(wikipedia) INTEGRITY is consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations and outcome. Integrity may be seen as the quality of having a sense of honesty and truthfulness in regard to the motivations for one's actions.


Lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little (white) lies.
Sunday Chris and I were talking and I was trying to guess what he bought me for Christmas. (Yes I know Christmas is a long way off but we both shop early…) After 30 minutes of playfully trying to guess, anything from the latest Wheel of Time book to a trip to Disney World, I gave up. He then told me that I had guessed something for Christmas and something for my birthday. But I had thrown out so many things I would never be able to narrow it down. So white lies can sometimes be beneficial. If I did guess and he told me 'yes, that’s it' instead of 'nope, sorry, guess again' I’d no longer be surprised. I think perhaps sometimes white lies are spoken with love. That’s the kind that won’t hurt anyone and help a positive outcome.
Sadly, though there are few lies in this world that are harmless.

Liar. You stupid selfish liar.
Or at least that’s what I wanted to say. Sitting in the car recently I was told about a conversation where a lie was told to make Chris and I out to be scapegoats. I was outraged and luckily I wasn’t driving. I was blinded temporarily by anger. This person who told the lie is notorious for doing things like that so I shouldn’t have been surprised. Over the years I had blown things off he said and did. However previously it wasn’t such a public lie to so many people. The lie was placed on us simply because we weren’t there at the time to stand up for ourselves. So it was a lie of convenience. But much like anything of convenience there is a price to pay. Now my trust in him is diminished enough that I’m thinking of saying no next time he asks for help. Which of course will further aggravate the person into lying more I’m sure. It’s a vicious circle.

I know it’s not easy to say I was wrong but is it really easier to lie?
Everyone and I mean everyone lies at one time or another. But what makes us lie so much? We know we’ve done wrong, we know we should fess up. As my brother says it’s easier to tell the truth instead of trying to remember the web of lies you’ve woven. Because it really is an intricate web of lies you have to remember. Snowball effect, one lie leads to another. So to lie, you’d better have a great memory. Or at least a better memory than the person you’re lying to. At what point does the web break under the weight of the lies and you go spiraling down into trouble?

House of cards
Well, like I said everyone lies at one point or another. Lies can be told to impress people, helping us to better our situation however falsely. But generally they are used to keep you out of trouble. Those lies are made to alleviate our guilt about something we’ve done. Although guilt is a sounding alarm meant to fend off things such as lying its often too late. Once the lie is told it’s even harder to admit to telling a lie.

So how does it feel to be lied to? To have someone straight faced stand there and lie? I think in the story above it was easy because we weren’t there. But when you are faced with the person knowing you have lied what then? When we find out someone has lied to us or led us to believe something untrue we lose respect and trust in that person. Perhaps we don’t know we’ve lost those things but we have. I know myself most times I don’t say anything if I find out someone has lied to me. But I’m more cautious to believe them after that. Something is broken when that happens and is lost.
Trust is like a house of cards, it takes a long time to build up but when the foundation is shaken even just a little-everything falls apart.

Are lies worth the sin committed when losing so much?

A Year and a Half: Last part

Well the holidays came and went with all the usual fuss and fanfare. Chris worked tons of hours at Gamestop and I got a pt job at Fashion Bug. (We both still have our pt jobs) But we were able to go to the twin cities and watch one of those Christmas light shows. We've heard of a few houses doing this. They light their houses with strings of lights and other lighted decor. Then they use computers and equipment to line it up to blink in time to music. Most have a short term, short distance radio station they use to transmit the music. So very cool and so very fun.



Bad news comes in not in threes but tens.

Around Christmas is when the bad stuff started happening. And even in June it is still happening. My mom lost her job and a week later a friend of hers died. Then shortly after new years I lost a friend to a drunk driver. Not going into details but, hardhips hit everyone in my family. My father hurt his back and since February has been on workman's comp. I had a kidney stone in May. And let's hope the second half of the year gets better. I recently found out that I did in fact pass my stone. No surgery needed this time!



Better tidings

Through all that we did have some good things happen to us. In late February/early March we got a kitty from the Humane Society. (I was helping out there in the fall but stopped once I started at FB.) I had wanted a low key kitty that was loving and would let you pick it up anytime. I had originally wanted an older cat because they are more low key (and are harder to adopt out). When I told the staff there what I wanted they said, well we've got a perfect one for you but he's a year and a half. They showed us "Benny" and I fell in love. In fact he was the cat my brother saw when we walked in and had said, thats the cat for you before they showed him to me. I had seen him online on their website and I recognized him. Well he came home with us and we renamed him Pippin Underfoot. Mainly after the hobbit from LOTR because he's inquisitive, loving, not too bright and kinda klumsy!


Anniversary Watch

Backing up a couple of weeks we had our 1 year anniversary. The weeks before V-Day Mix 94.9 was having a contest. In 60 seconds you had to tell everyone why your man should win the grand prize. You also had to get JFKruse and Mi Famiglia in your speech. Grand prize was dinner at Mi Famiglia, movie tickets and a $400 watch from JFKruse. Second place was just the watch and third place was a beer mug and Pete the dj's mix tapes from high school. (Which I still wonder what was on there....)

Anyway I was one lucky caller and I got through. I had wrote down what I wanted to say and got in just under 60 seconds... literally I clocked in at 58 seconds. I had practiced to get it down that far!

What I had come up with was a fairytale of our life so far. Those going to the website would vote for their fave after listening to the audio clips.

Here's what I said:

"Once upon a time there was a fair maiden named Sheri. She had kissed her share of frogs and was only getting all the warts. One frog even took his mother to mi famiglia when they opened, but not her.
Along came a strong handsome knight, Chris. He had given up on finding love and was living the bachelor life.
Through mutual friends the two met and had their first date on Valentines Day.
They hit it off and Chris turned out to be Sheri’s prince. He showed her that nice guys do exist. He gave her love, respect and even a brand new camera to fulfill her biggest dream, to be a photographer.
He took her out to places she’d never been, even took her once to Mi Famiglia.
One day Chris said let’s go to JF Kruse. I know the people there and I want to get you the perfect ring!
But alas, money wasn’t plentiful, a ring would have to wait.
Soon a year will have gone by and the day of their first date will come and go. With your help Sheri can give Chris a memorable gift and a magical anniversary."

We did end up wining second place! First place was only a few votes away but I am glad we got what we did. I was able to give chris an awesome anniversary gift. Besides the Trivial Pursuit game and Star Trek Scene It. (Which I had already bought before Xmas!) Chris gave me a truly awesome gift. Although he gave me too many hints and I ended up guessing it. Season passes to Renfest!! YAY! Now we didn't have to worry about buying them in August.

Well, now it's been just under a year and a half. I hope to keep surprising him just as much as he surprises me. We know we're getting married but he has to ask still. But because we know our love is steady and unwavering we have already planned 75% of the wedding out. Now I just keep teasing him that I'll propose to him before he does to me. We'll see. *twinkle in my eye*

A Year and a half cont'd

Scavenger hunt!
Around July we participated in a scavenger hunt in downtown St Cloud and parts of SCSU. We had a rocky start but ended up with a lot more points than we thought and a great memory. The prize was a ten thousand dollar diamond ring. Wowza. *See the story of this at our website under "Fun Stuff"

Rambling about a Ring
But that got Chris to start asking what I liked in a ring. I didn't know so we went to a few jewelry stores. Finally I decided I didn't like big and gaudy, but I do like 'swoopy'. Yes, swoopy. Like the ring comes up and cups the stone. After looking at the prices we were pretty down. There's no way he or we, could afford such a luxury. I told him the I don't need a diamond. And in reality I don't need a ring. A ring of cheese in the crust of a pizza is just great for me. Down on one knee with a slice in his hands asking me to marry him would be just fine in my book!
So the looking continued and it was much like taking a child to a petshop then telling them they are allergic to cats and dogs and could never have one. BWAH! How cruel! So I told him I'd love an amethyst as a nice alternative. Really, I'm not diamond fancy anyway. He did some research and found a stone called Moissanite. Moissanite was discovered in a meteorite back in 1893 by Henri Moissan. He mistakenly thought the mineral was diamonds. In reality it was silicon carbonite,re- named Moissanite after him. It's hardness is close to diamonds and is used as a cheap alternative when used in cutting. It is also used as a cheap(er) alternative in jewelry.

Who knows what he picked but I do know he has a ring. As of today, June 21st I still do not know. :-)

You jerk, you jerk, you jerk!
The summer went by and then came Renfest. I'm so happy Chris likes Ren and likes to dress up. We got season tickets and went almost every weekend. Just before Ren season started though my Nikon D80 started making a red line on each picture. I was pretty devastated since I had two weddings and senior pictures to shoot. I was mulling over getting it fixed vs getting a new camera. Chris kept saying he had a surprise for me. An early Christmas present in fact. One day we went to Ciatti's on a romantic date. He told me to bring my D80 so we could go take pictures at Munsinger. We ate and I left the table to go to the bathroom. I came back and found a big present sitting on the table. I opened it up and found a brand new D90 with an awesome lens! WOW! I told him before I went to the bathroom that the present he was going to give me (back at his place) better not be too expensive or I'd punch him in the arm. So when I opened the box and I saw the D90 I started crying because it touched me so much. He sat next to me and gave me a hug. Then I started slapping his arm and telling him it was too expensive of a gift and calling him a jerk over and over. Since I was crying, slapping his arm and calling him a jerk I think the people around us thought he was breaking up with me! ha ha

And even more to come in the next post.

A year and a half later (and Love, geek style)

Oh Belle! Its been so long since I've heard from you!
Okay so I am still talking to myself but since my last post alot has changed.
In fact I forgot I had this blog. Then in an attempt to be super cool (or at least start a blog for our website) I decided to start up again.
Okay, lets see. Since my last blog was January 9th of 2009 and it is now June 16, 2010 I have to recap a year and a half. A very important year and a half.
A couple months after the breakup in '08, Kari a friend from work, started asking me if I'd like to meet one of her husband's friends. I didn't say yes until just after Christmas when I felt really good about myself. I didn't want to meet someone just to meet someone. I wanted to be okay with me first.

A beginning....
Well January 24th I went over to their house for supper. There I met this guy they wanted me to. Oh he looked so familiar! And that I think was the first or second thing (after Hi) out of my mouth. Yeah, good going Sheri. Great start.
For the rest of that nite we played trivial pursuit. Where Kari's husband Paul squarely kicked out butts. I thought I was smart, but I'm not. I should have picked up the kids edition. I might have had a chance....
My sister (inlaw) Bea told me she'd call me during the date just in case it was going badly. At that point I'd make an excuse and leave. But I found I was having fun and didn't have to. I remember at one point letting my real personality show but all Chris did was laugh. I sighed with relief. (it was a comment about duct taping kids or something *smirk*) At the end of the nite I waited around making excuses to slip him my number but never got a chance. I gave Kari my number to give to him but it took him a couple weeks to call. Frankly I had given up. I would have called him but didn't have his number.
No Pressure....... on the most romantic day of the year....
So after trying to get our schedules to match we finally set a date up. It was the KVSC trivia weekend so he was going to come over to a friend's house for trivia after we ate out. I don't know when but one of us figured out it was Valentine's Day we set our date for. Oh well, I've had weirder Valentine's Days. Hopefully this one doesn't end with me bawling my head off like last year I thought.
I really didn't have to fear that. It went splendid. We ate at Jimmy Johns and helped with trivia at Michelle's house.

A woohoo kind of love.
Even though I said I'd take things slow I couldn't help it. I felt a connection and a calmness, or more of a secure feeling. This man felt.....right. Over the year he became to feel like home. As though wherever he was-there was my home. Although I faltered when I found out he's a republican! Can you believe it? Although, at the heart of it we agree on the big topics and agree to disagree on the rest. Until the presidential primaries. We'll see then. ;-)

A year flies by.
Anyone who has felt true love with no assumptions, no ulterior motives, no underlying agendas knows what I felt. I can't rightly speak for Chris but I have a good feeling I know this to be true. We both fell head over heels within 2 months. I knew he loved me and was the one for me when listening to me whine about going back to Disneyworld he told me: Well, we can go there for our honeymoon. (ding ding ding ding!!!) And that was the clincher. Not only did this show me his intentions but also that he understood me and would never try to change or mold me. This realization still makes me speechless with awe.

More to come of the first year in another day's post.